I’m getting married in 5 days. I’m getting married in… 5 days?!? Sometimes that fact hits me like a bus, and I panic for a long moment. Other times it slides into my memory like a smooth slice of pumpkin pie, bringing me an immediate burst of joy. (I had pumpkin pie tonight – that’s where the analogy came from). However the realization hits me, it doesn’t change the fact that it’s happening – and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I’ve been impressed at my feelings throughout my engagement to Meghan. It’s had dramatic ups and downs. For some reason, I didn’t expect life to be as up and down as my mission was, where it felt like every day was a roller coaster. Oh boy, I was wrong – and I’ve literally only tasted about a year’s worth of life after my mission. My engagement has been wonderful and hard, wonderfully hard, but well worth the struggle.
As I was saying, I’ve been impressed at how I have acted during my time as an engaged man. I’m happy to say that I’ve had moments when I’ve patted myself on the back and said, “good job Adam, you made yourself proud”, but I’m less happy to report that I’ve had times when I’ve slapped myself on the leg (or face) and said, “Adam, what’re you doing man?!?” I have acted both characteristically and uncharacteristically, back and forth and back and forth, as I’ve dealt with the challenge of planning a wedding amidst a busy semester, travel from Provo to Logan to Salt Lake to Layton and back, and a pandemic.
Meghan has been by my side during it all, laughing with me (or at me) or crying with me (or on me) as we’ve battled the adversary and found joy.
I’ve had to accept that I am limited (did you know I’m not perfect? Apparently I didn’t) and I’ve had to learn the hardest patience of all – patience with myself.
It’s an understatement to say that I’ve learned a thing or two about life. And, as with all knowledge, the more you learn, the more you learn you don’t know.
I could go on and on about things I’ve done (or not done) and lessons I’ve learned (or failed to learn), but I’d like to focus on one.
We watched the animated movie “Klaus” on Netflix recently. Quick plug: one of the best Christmas movies there is – PLEASE go watch it! It’s a fantastically-written and cunningly-creative origin story of Santa Clause. In it, a selfish postman is sent to a dark town devoid of joy, where he eventually joins forces with a sorrowful toymaker to deliver some happiness to the children.
The main message of the movie is a quote somewhere along these lines:
“A true selfless act always sparks another”
This idea initiates a chain of goodness that transforms every single person in the story – both the receivers AND the givers of those selfless acts. A pattern was quite easy to detect after a while:
A selfless act performed for another sparks gratitude within them,
that gratitude bubbles over into a burning desire to love and serve their neighbor,
enough of that desire leads to selfless action,
and that action initiates gratitude within the receiver.
(This continues until every character is sufficiently changed and the movie ends.)
How simple! What an easy formula!
But alas – easier to say than to do.
As I said before, I have been impressed at how I’ve acted at times lately. Did I say I’ve been impressed? What an odd word to use – I’ve used it 3 times now to describe how I’ve felt about my actions. I don't know if it's the best word, because I haven't necessarily been "happy" about the feelings. Amazed? In awe? Shocked? Maybe those are better. But I've committed, so now I must continue repeating myself.
Here I go again: I have been impressed(?) at some of my feelings of late. I have found myself bursting with selfishness – no, not selflessness, but selfishness, as in the bad kind – which causes sorrow within myself. Meghan and I have been given so very much of late, from our parents and our wonderful friends and family giving us wedding gifts. I have been so caught up with my own problems that I have forgotten to look to who helps me find solutions to the problems. I have been so busy moving furniture into our own apartment that I’ve forgotten to thank those who gave me that furniture. My hands have been so full of Christmas cookies from neighbors that I haven’t picked up the cookie sheet and made some for neighbors myself.
Well… That is, until a couple of days ago, when Meghan and I decided to bake cookies for others. Meghan is perhaps the most kindhearted and generous person I have ever known – she has pulled me out of my selfish funks more times than I can count. This was another opportunity to escape one of those funks. We had a blast baking some M&M cookies, despite a few mishaps (my fault), and prepared a large batch ready to give away.
At that moment, I was struck with a lack of desire so palpable I thought it was a burnt cookie in my mouth. I didn’t wanna deliver these cookies! It was late and I was tired! The cookies were awful anyways, people wouldn’t even like them. Everyone’s trying to lose weight so these cookies are a disservice. I’m dumb for making them. I just wanna worry about me. Me, me, me, me, me!
Meghan, in her awesome Meghan way, dealt with me and dragged me out the door. We ended up delivering some cookies to family in the area and had a wonderful time. I got home feeling wonderful and content.
What an odd chemical reaction! Well, not odd at all – it’s simply the power of generosity. It’s the formula that the movie Klaus is based on. Frankly, it’s the formula Christmas spirit is based off of. Even more frankly, it’s the formula Christ is based off of! Christianity hinges on this principle of giving! It all makes sense now!
You’d think I would know that by now. But really, it’s a lesson that we as humans need to learn and re-learn and re-learn ever so often, or else we are prone to forget it amidst the stream of information and problems flooding our minds. That is one reason why we read the scriptures, full of stories of generosity and giving, the atonement of Christ being at the forefront. That is one reason why we pray for others, granting us the gift of mindfulness of others’ needs as brought to us by the Spirit. That is why we do things like #LightTheWorld or #GiveThanks, opportunities for us not to “show-off” but to remind ourselves and perhaps others of the need to follow the formula – selfless acts breed gratitude and eventually joy. It’s all about the formula!
It’s hard sometimes. I hope you’ve come to understand through this sort of long and repetitive post that I have struggled with it a great deal. I want to be generous but often am overwhelmed with the “me monster”. It takes effort, and a bit of a battle, but once we slay that monster, we open ourselves to a cavern filled with bounteous and shiny treasures of gratitude and joy.
My goal is to follow the counsel given by Sister Kimball (the wife of Spencer W. Kimball) as quoted by Bonnie Parkin in her BYU devotional address, advice given in many other places I am sure:
“Never suppress a generous thought”
It is my earnest mission in life to strive to live up to this mentality. It is my desire to be a bit more like Christ, who, I am sure, acted on every single generous thought that ever entered His mind, and in doing so blessed the soul of every person to ever walk this Earth.
Let us participate in the formula, spreading selfless acts around the world, for those sparks are enough to power a light that will conquer all darkness.
Adam
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