Another week has come and gone down here in Provo! Weeks are really starting to fly by, just like they did on my mission. I believe this week marked the halfway point for the semester! All of us down here are breathing a sigh of both relief and anxiety as we anticipate school’s end – an end that is preceded by brutal finals tests and intimidating decisions about the future. But alas, all that we can do now is prepare and try to enjoy the moment.
Enjoying the moment is a skill that is deceitfully difficult to master. It is much easier said than done. Indeed, it is a natural thing for people to worry about both the past and the future, which worry is the foundational cause of anxiety in all people. Worry, as I’ve discussed before, can be debilitating and detrimental to our progression. An overabundance of worry leads to something arguably more detrimental to growth:
Weariness.
Weariness, something I define to be “a strong lack of willpower”, is ultimately what will stop us on our path towards great goals and high aspirations. Weariness is what caused scriptural characters to complain (Laman and Lemuel) and even the most noble of souls to question God (Lehi). This weariness can come both to our bodies and to our spirits – and each form causes weariness in the other.
I first learned the extremity of this principle on my mission as seen in a good friend – I will call him George (that is not his real name). George was a good man. He had served a valiant mission and exceled in the programs of the church. Indeed, nothing from his countenance or his behavior reflected anything other than being a valiant follower of Christ. However, something unanticipated had begun to happen in his life.
He had grown weary.
He had gotten tired and frustrated and sad. He began seeing faults in fellow church members, began doubting that his prayers were answered, and just got tired of doing the same thing every day. He always read the same book (the Book of Mormon) over and over, said the same thing in his prayers, went to the same church meetings. And gradually, even imperceptibly, his desire faded.
That’s when I met George. He was at a low point. He was, in a spiritual sense, an empty shell. We knew that he knew that he lacked something, but that something just couldn’t seem to be found. He had made a few bad decisions and was now quite a ways from the covenant path.
We began teaching George’s partner, who I will call Tessa. What a wonderful woman! Some of our lessons with George and Tessa were the best I had ever had. We all seemed to connect and understand one another. Our lessons were full of the perfect balance of laughter and tender tears. The lessons were less like two foreign missionaries teaching the locals, and more like 4 lifetime friends having a discussion about life and God.
It was clear to see that George still believed in the church. He loved its teachings and he loved his Savior. Tessa was not as quick to believe but wanted badly to support George’s return to church. I never once doubted George’s belief – he was not lying when he bore his testimony. Yet he just wouldn’t commit to church!
Clearly there is a gap between believing and doing, between knowing and acting. Often in the church we stress the “knowing” part. But what happens when we believe and know, but lack the willpower to go and do? What if Nephi had all of his belief and love for God yet lacked the courage to return to get the plates? What if Captain Moroni still had his burning testimony but was hesitant to go to war? Because we know these characters and know what happened, we have a hard time imagining them failing to “go and do”, but when we apply the situation into our own lives, it’s not so hard to see.
I am having a blast on the BYU frisbee team! This last week I went to all of our team practices, spent an hour and a half running footwork drills during our off time with my senior teammate, and threw for another couple of hours with friends. Quite a lot of frisbee this week amidst my testing and studying! By the time Saturday came, I was pretty tired and sore. Running our drills was tough for me. I knew exactly what I needed to do and how to do it, but my willpower was low – I didn’t commit as much as I should have, and thus I was roasted over and over, often humiliatingly in ways that I would never usually get beat. I was weary.
That happens at tournaments as well. The first two games of the day are always great, but then come game 3 and 4 you’re pretty burnt out. You have to dig deep for strength, and sometimes you just can’t find it. No matter how willing your spirit is, your flesh is weak and you lose games you know you should not lose. Weariness sneaks in like a thief in the night and steals away your courage and determination and passion. All you want to do is quit and rest.
This is, in a way, how George felt. He had given God his all, and what had he received in return? Trial upon trial upon disappointment upon tragedy upon unfairness. Following Christ lost its savor and he “took a break” – a break that turned into a much longer break than he expected. Weariness had defeated the burning spirit within him.
What a scary thing!
How on earth can we combat this weariness?
There is never one easy solution to something like this. The Lord designs our mortal experience to require us to seek out solutions in a variety of ways in a variety of circumstances, each solution tailored specifically to who we are and what we are doing.
Counsel from Elder Neal A. Maxwell always seems to lead to a solution for me, so let me share some of his words with you.
First, he says,
“It is better to so nourish our faith in what seems to be an ordinary process than to experience extraordinary things only to stumble later over life’s ordinary challenges.”
(Maxwell, "Lest ye be Wearied and Faint in your Minds", April 1991)
When weariness strikes, we can receive great strength in remembering what we are fighting for and what victory tastes like. This doesn’t have to be grand; it can be simple. Indeed, simple victories are far more common than epic ones, so we should focus on being grateful for simple victories. As I have described often, I find incredible satisfaction in throwing frisbees by myself into storage bins. For me, few things are sweeter than a crisp forehand flick that floats elegantly with slight curve straight to my target. That satisfaction is multiplied when I throw a throw like that in a game to a teammate for a long goal. I play frisbee for moments like that.
So when I get tired, I remember how good it feels to make a play! I remember that satisfaction and I push myself to feel it. That throw leaves my hand and I am immediately infused with new energy. Yes, the epic victory of winning the game is sweet, but arguably sweeter is the compilation of small, successful throws to lead you to that overall victory.
Small victories can be found everywhere in our lives. We can conquer fear by doing something that makes us uncomfortable, like approaching a girl you always thought was cute. No matter the consequence, you succeeded because you extended yourself! Also, you can reach out and show some genuine love to someone around you – compliment someone, reach out a helping hand, send a message of gratitude. Doing this is a small victory that seems to make life less exhausting and more fulfilling.
Elder Maxwell also says this,
“Much of any weariness is attributable to carrying the heavy natural man. Unlike others we might carry, the natural man is heavy, and he is not our brother!”
Here was George’s problem. The natural man had come along and seduced him, beguiling him into believing lies. George saw self-gratification as more important than charitable service. He became lazy in prayer and scripture study, causing a seemingly lackadaisical stream of revelation in his life. He had grown careless and forgotten the worth of his own soul. A combination of these negative principles killed his desire to follow God as closely as the church encouraged.
Carrying that natural man left George burnt out. It took a loving partner, a gracious ward, and a couple of humble missionaries to help him see this. George began to recognize what he was doing wrong and began to push himself back towards God – indeed, when you are weary, pushing is quite necessary. But once the process had begun, it got easier and easier. Soon he and Tessa began attending church more and more regularly, and George’s countenance became bright once more.
Very few times have I been wearier than when I had to carry my own gear in either a backpack or a canoe while in the woods camping with my fellow scouts. Burdens add significantly to the weariness that can come upon us in life. No burden is heavier than the self-gratifying natural man. Let us put him off! Let us rejoice in victory when every day we defeat the battle against him. Those small, daily victories will cure our spiritual weariness and we will find more joy in following God once again.
Love you heaps!
Adam Simpson
Comments