10 years ago, Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf delivered a talk to the Young Women of the Church entitled “Your Happily Ever After”. I wasn’t there when he gave it – for obvious reasons – but I have memories of my sisters and young women in my ward gawking over how good it was. Elder Uchtdorf appeals to the innate desire within every young woman to be a “princess” and hero in their own story. I for one have absolutely no desire to be a princess, so I suppose I can’t relate to that, but I CAN relate to wanting to be a hero. All of us can relate to that – I know that’s true because in elementary school it was everyone’s dream to be Percy Jackson.
As part of becoming a hero, we must all enter what literary professors call the “hero’s journey”. This involves an “initiation”, or a thrust from innocence, and the battling of and within many trials and hardships. Elder Uchtdorf quotes this in his talk, mentioning specifically the word “adversity” as those trials and hardships. He says this:
“Trial Is part of the Journey. For a moment, think back about your favorite fairy tale. In that story the main character may be a princess or a peasant; she might be a mermaid or a milkmaid, a ruler or a servant. You will find one thing all have in common: they must overcome adversity…
Adversity helps to develop a depth of character that comes in no other way. Our loving Heavenly Father has set us in a world filled with challenges and trials so that we, through opposition, can learn wisdom, become stronger, and experience joy…
It is your reaction to adversity, not the adversity itself, that determines how your life’s story will develop.”
What a great answer to the age-old question “why do bad things happen to good people?” Really, we must all understand that to become better, opposition is required. If we profess any desire to become more like Jesus Christ in any way, we in doing so sign up for the hardships that must accompany that path. If we want to be happier, we must acknowledge that opposition will come, stretching us so as to increase our capacity to feel joy. If we want to be smarter, we must admit that rigorous study and even disappointment will be part of that journey. And if we want to become stronger, well, just as a tree’s roots are strengthened by the wind so too must our roots be.
Let me now focus on the final part of Elder Uchtdorf’s quote. He says that it is not the adversity itself that makes us grow, but our REACTION to it. What a profound thought! Elder Robert D. Hales often taught that the righteous use of agency is what strengthens faith and fosters progression. Here we learn that this principle is true also of adversity – it will either make us or break us depending on how we react to it.
How then do we react to it?
I learned the other day of an idea that has pressed upon my mind non-stop for the last week, especially amidst this global pandemic. We were studying the Great Depression in my American Heritage class and discussing why it lasted as long as it did when my professor declared this bold insight:
“Fear is a self-fulfilling prophecy”
He talked about how the panic and fear of the people actually preceded the Depression – that fear was not only an effect but a CAUSE of what came after.
To understand this concept, I immediately thought of Pickleball, one of my favorite sports and pass-times. One of the last times I played was with the BYU Pickleball Club (yeah that’s a thing). Soon after arriving I was locked into an intense doubles match. After continuous scoring back and forth, we pulled ahead by at least 4 points, with only 1 more needed for victory. As I often do (and I’m sure I’m not the only one) I imagined how awful it would be if the other team came back and won. An unlikely thought for sure – we had the game in the bag – but for some reason that thought became a canker in my game. I couldn’t hit the ball anywhere but into the net, and before I knew it, the game was tied up in double game point. Then, even though it seemed impossible, we lost the game. We left the court humiliated and shocked.
I guarantee that’s happened to almost everyone that will read this! Fear of losing seems to plant itself into our desire and surety of victory, and that small crack can break down our wall of success and destroy the empire we created in our game. Even a small germ of that fearful idea can have a monumental effect.
Since sports are one of the greatest parallels of life, this principle can apply everywhere. Ever feared bombing a test and then seen it happen? Ever feared fighting with a loved one and witnessed it happen seemingly moments later? Ever feared sleeping past your alarm only to wake up an hour later than you should have? For some odd reason, the things we fear and wish desperately would not happen seem to happen more often than we would like.
While many forces that bring these things upon us are out of our control (such as a test being harder than anticipated or the actions of another in a sport or relationship) there is still an element that we can manipulate. Fear is a motivator – a negative motivator, if such an oxymoron can exist. Fear is something that dictates what we do and how we act.
And it’s strong!
I could delve deep into a discussion of why this is, but I’m sure we all believe it because we’ve experienced its strength many times before. It is a strength that can seize us and sometimes lead us to bring about bad things in our lives.
It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Well then, let’s get back to Elder Uchtdorf. He said that reacting to adversity defines who we are. The scriptures often teach that there are only two choices: “Liberty and eternal life” or “captivity and death” as Lehi puts it (2 Nephi 2:27). It’s obvious that fear falls under the captivity and death side because fear, as a negative motivator, leads to all of the negative outcomes. What then is the counter, the nemesis, the archenemy to fear? What hero can defeat this villain?
To counter the negative motivator, we need nothing short of the most powerful motivator available to us – hope! If fear entices us back into the tunnel of darkness, hope is the light at the end that beckons us forward. If acting in fear is falling backwards, walking in faith is moving forwards.
If fear is a self-fulfilling prophecy, so too is hope!
This could now turn into a sermon about “the power of positive thinking”, but I think there’s enough of those out there now. No, this goes beyond that. Hope and faith are not just a mindset but a way of life – they aren’t just an abstract idea but concrete evidence of a life lived correctly. Yes, a life lived in faith and hope is a life lived correctly!
This isn’t some “false hope” that I’m talking about. It’s not a “digging for gold for 20 years in vain” kind of hope. This is hope centered in God and His will, faith centered in the all-powerful Savior Jesus Christ. It is the only force able to conquer the debilitating, chaining effect of fear.
I’m not saying that hope in God will make you win at pickleball. No, for tips on how to do that CLICK HERE to this motivational post about this very topic. It’s a wonderful and concise article that applies this principle to everyday life.
No, what I am talking about is hope as a self-fulfilling prophecy in and through Jesus Christ, the one who makes good things possible in our lives. This is the kind of hope that allowed Captain Moroni and the Nephites to triumph over the Lamanites, as described by Moroni when he is speaking to Zarahemnah, the Lamanite captain:
“But now, ye behold that the Lord is with us; and ye behold that he has delivered you into our hands. And now I would that ye should understand that this is done unto us because of our religion and our faith in Christ. And now ye see that ye cannot destroy this our faith.
Now ye see that this is the true faith of God; yea, ye see that God will support, and keep, and preserve us, so long as we are faithful unto him, and unto our faith, and our religion; and never will the Lord suffer that we shall be destroyed except we should fall into transgression and deny our faith.” (Alma 44:3-4)
Acting with faith in the face of adversity is what secures us deliverance. Acting in this way requires acting with sure conviction and trust that God will deliver you and will provide the best possible outcome in your life – eventually. Acting in faith amidst a pandemic includes strengthening your relationship with God every day (while you now have so much time on your hands), praying and fasting with charity for those afflicted and optimism that the trial will soon end, and doing your best to serve and keep a smile on your face. It involves small and simple things every day.
Yes, it’s hard, brutally hard sometimes, but acting with that kind of faith is how a hopeful prophecy is fulfilled.
Our “happily ever after”, as Elder Uchtdorf put it, does indeed require adversity before it can be achieved. What people don’t understand as often is that it’s not about the adversity – it’s about how we REACT to it. It’s about whether we act in fear or in faith towards either greater fear and captivity or greater hope and liberty.
Easier said than done, yes. In fact, I’m writing about this because I messed up on this very thing and didn’t realize until much damage had already been done. I acted in complete and total fear rather than on faith. I wish I could take this blog post and travel back 3 months to give it to myself. But alas, here I am with a lesson learned:
Fear is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
But so too is hope.
Faith and trust are ALWAYS the way to go, even if it seems unlikely, illogical or impossible.
So let’s choose faith over fear.
Every.
Single.
Time.
Adam Simpson
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